Panicked Hearts
by blue4pup
Summary: Characters: Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Cassandra Cain


Tim knew he wasn't alone when he heard the third floorboard from the study's door creak.

The wary but purposeful footsteps told him more. They were too light to be Bruce's. Not light enough to belong to Alfred. And Damian wouldn't dare bother him, not after what happened tonight.

Lifting his gaze from his white-knuckled clasped hands, he spied Dick. His focused gaze was resolute. It spoke of the coming lecture. Admittedly, Tim had known it was coming the second he started to keep secrets from his family. The moment, it became about him and Jason. Tim just thought he'd be able to choose when the lecture would come, when everyone found out.

True, he knew there'd be consequences when he accepted Jason's invitation into his grimy, one bedroom apartment, into the pile of stained comforters that Jason called a bed. Tim just never saw tonight happening. If Tim had, maybe it would still be just him and Jason. It would still be his decision. But Jason had to go keep his own secrets.

Jason never told Tim about the enemies he had made as the Red Hood. He never even mentioned the bounty on his head. It was probably Jason's way of keeping Tim separate from Jason's other life, a way to protect him. So, Tim never saw the super-powered psychopath coming, until it was too late.

Tim's vision was now marred with the sight of Jason's torn flesh and his blood staining a rooftop. All he heard was the agonizing screams of Jason and his own hoarse voice in response. All he felt was the all-consuming pain of not knowing whether the man he loved was alive or dead.

oOo

Jason wasn't sure what made him open his sore eyes. He only became dully aware of two voices talking softly somewhere. As his blurry vision solidified, he realized how dimly lit his surroundings appeared. Only the distance glow from the doorway seemed to provide any light.

Lifting his head a bit, he saw three shadowed figures: one slender woman with securely pulled back hair, another was man with a defined face and receding hairline, and the last was towering, broad shoulder man that gave off waves of power. While all wore bloodstained surgical scrubs, Jason could clearly recognize them: Leslie, Alfred, and Bruce.

With a frustrated groan, he laid his head back.

Jason wasn't sure what cut deeper – his broken bones and torn flesh or Bruce's pointed words. He was talking in that hard-edged Batman voice that he always used when he meant what he said. Jason heard every word, but he wasn't listening.

And, unlike ever other lecture from his former mentor and father-figure, Jason couldn't just walk away. He couldn't just openly cursed out the man he once looked up to. He was trapped in bed. Both legs were in casts along with his right arm. Layers of bandages held tight the expertise work of Alfred and Leslie that most likely saved his life.

One stupid mistake had gotten him here. It blinded him to the assassin. If he'd been smart, he would have avoided it. But, he had been struck dumb when he fell in love with Tim. Despite first despising his replacement, he found himself inexplicably drawn to him. Soon, Tim became the one good thing in Jason's life, something worth fighting to keep safe and close.

"Jason," the hard tone of Bruce pulled Jason out of his musing. His tired gaze shifted back to Bruce. The man towered over him with a stern gaze.

Through dry throat, Jason roughly chocked out, "I heard you. I get it. You want it to end. You want…"

"No," Bruce said very firmly. "That's not what I said, nor what I mean." He sighed heavily, shutting his eyes for a moment.

Jason blinked at Bruce, feeling confused. He was sure that it was all leading to this - a commanding order to stay away from Tim and leave Gotham, or else. Instead, when Bruce's eyes opened, he saw a concerned expression waft over the older man's face.

"Jason," he said more softly, "I want this lying, these secrets to end. Tim shouldn't feel that he needs to hide his love life from me, from this family. The same goes for you."

Jason tried to swallow, only ending up struggling to breath. He coughed.

In that moment, Bruce's expression changed again. It grew harder and more serious again. "But that doesn't mean I can just allow you to continue to risk Tim's safety. You put him in harms' way with your own secrets."

"I didn't know that… that thing… was...!" Jason angrily tried to croak out, but he was struggling with a painful fit of coughs. He started to push himself up, so he could meet Bruce on a more equal level. He always hated having to look up to the older man.

Bruce pushed him back down. Luckily, he seemed to be avoiding contact with any of the more sore points on Jason's chest. "Not knowingly, I agree, but Red Hood has built up a hell of a black book of enemies. Enemies who actually know your face under the mask. If Tim is with you, you are willingly taking a chance... every time."

Jason cringed, turning to face away. Despite wanting to disagree, he knew Bruce was right. That was another reason why it was stupid that he had fallen in love with his replacement. It was so much easier when it was just his life in danger. His heart ached, like it was being ripped from his chest.

"But," Bruce said after a moment, "that doesn't mean it has to end."

A cold shiver raced up Jason's spine. He didn't turn to look at Bruce, but he did ask, "What… what are you…" He paused, swallowing and regretting it when it stung his vocal cords. "What do you ask?"

"A promise. A vow to me, to this family, to Tim… to follow a set of strict rules that dictate your life from here on out," Bruce said with a hard hiss to his voice. He sounded much closer.

Spying out of the corner of his eye, Jason saw Bruce leaning closely over him. He turned slightly found himself face to face with Batman. He gazed, slightly trembling despite himself, up at the looming figure. His voice shook slightly too. "What... sort of rules?"

oOo

Tim was sure his instinct to call Oracle for help was the only thing that saved them. Jason had been dying and saving him was all that mattered to Tim. So when the others arrived, driving off the psycho, Tim barely thought about his no longer secret relationship. All he wanted was them to save Jason from dying again.

Only after Jason was rushed off to Leslie's clinic and he was left alone with Cass and Stephanie tending to his superficial wounds, some sort of lucidity set in. Those consequences began to vex his thoughts. There'd be more than a few questions.

He felt certain they wouldn't understand. They would only think the worst of Jason. That Jason was using Tim, manipulating him, hurting him. They'd be wrong.

Two months together showed Tim the real Jason. Not the Red Hood mask that Jason chose to show-off to the world. He was more than the brutal and spite-filled individual who first attacked Tim three years ago at Titan Tower.

While Tim would never call Jason sensitive or gentle, he could be compassionate and caring. While very much an introvert seeking no comfort from others, Jason could be respectably sociable around others, if he wanted to be. Tim felt a tug of a small smile on his lips as he thought about the number of times he had shared Jason's bed with him or Jason had surprised him on a rooftop with a pizza and a slice of his favorite cake.

With a sigh, Tim realized that was not how Bruce and Dick would see it. Probably, everyone else would agree with them. Tim definitely did not feel ready when he felt the couch give a bit under Dick's additional weight.

There was too long of a breath-filled pause.

Tim had to bite his lip from reacting, saying something he might regret. He counted to hundred and held his tongue as Dick started to speak.

"Tim, I know," Dick said slowly and thoughtfully. He paused for moment. Maybe he was expecting Tim to react or he was being very care in choosing his words. Either way, he took his time continuing. "We've known for about a month that you've… been keeping secrets from the rest of us."

Tim simply nodded, still holding his tongue. He was up to forty. He felt his frustration bubble up from the pit of his stomach.

"And while Bruce wanted to dig deeper, confront you, I told him… I convinced him that you probably needed to keep those secrets… from us," he said, swallowing in the breath of another pause. "Alfred agreed, so we held off, but, while we never want… you to feel that you have to tell us… everything…. or you have to keep secrets from us to have… your own private life, this… whatever it is with Jason… well, it is… it was… it needs…"

Another uncomfortable pause ate up time. Tim felt like he could finish Dick's sentence for him. Or, at least he thought so. Every time he expected to be told 'end it with Jason' or get a lecture on 'you should know better,' Dick actually seemed to shift the direction of his speech. It infuriated Tim, but he wasn't completely sure why.

In fact, Dick seemed to be struggling to speak. For once, words seemed the trickiest thing for the emperor of gab. Maybe that was what irritated Tim the most. That and he'd lost count just shy of hundred.

"Well," Dick continued after a moment more, "that… that was something you should have… it would have been better…"

"What!?" Tim suddenly exploded. His tongue got away from him, and he found himself turning sharply to glare at Dick. "What would be better? That I didn't keep secrets or that I wasn't with Jason? What is it? Just spit it out already!"

There was an honest shocked look on Dick's face. He raised his hands in a plea of innocence. "Woah! Relax, Little Brother. I'm… just…"

"Being fucking exasperating!" he shouted, jumping to his feet. When the swear word flew out, he was just as surprised as Dick looked. Still, it felt right. "Jason is not damn dangerous! Not to me!"

Looking up at him with a pleading look, Dick tried to continue, "Look that's not my point. At least not completely. I just don't want him…"

"No! I don't care what you want! What you even think!" Tim shouted, gesturing to himself. "It's what I want! What I think! I know Jason can be more than a bit mental, makes rash decisions, but he's much more than that. He can be caring. He can be nice and funny and smart and… And I know I want to be with Jason. He cares about me. He likes me for being me, not being Robin or Red Robin or Timothy Wayne."

"We do too," Dick interjected, cringing as if he regretted speaking.

"Shut up!" Tim yelled, waving his hands dismissively between. "That's not my point. He matters to me! I love him!"

Dick's mouth snapped shut. His eyebrows rose up his forehead. "You… you do?"

Tim never felt that he had ever heard a more stupid question in his life. He just scoffed, rolling his eyes in the process. "Duh, Dick! He completes me, makes me feel…" He paused, breathing out a sad breath. "… happy."

In a far quieter voice, Dick dropped his head and said simply, "I see."

"Do you?" Tim asked, still feeling the anger boiling away in the pit of his stomach. He felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes as if all his festering emotions were starting to come out "Because I can tell you right now that if you think you and Bruce are going to put me off…"

"We wouldn't," Dick interjected, lifting his now moist gaze. "And we won't."

Whatever angry, emotion-filled words were still on Tim's tongue evaporated. Tim's anger seemed to vanish with them. He just blinked at his older brother with honest shock by Dick's reply. He wasn't certain if he believed the words, but they did make him give pause. "What?"

There was a heavy sigh as Dick rubbed the back of his neck. "We never were… at least as long as Jason wasn't hurting you. It's more…"

"He isn't. He wouldn't," Tim said hurriedly, moving back to the couch. He took a seat and tried to meet Dick's eyes. "He wouldn't. I know. He's… He's…" He paused, swallowing a lump in his throat. "Are you saying… you and Bruce are okay with… with us being together?"

Dick crossed his arms. A puff of a chuckle breezed past his lips as he looked away for a moment. "Well, I wouldn't go as far as being okay. But…" He sighed again, looking once more to meet Tim's gaze. There was a small smile. "We want what's best for you, what makes you happy and doesn't put you in danger. If that means you being with Jason… well…" He gave a nervous shrug. "Then I guess we have to deal with that."

Tim tried to process everything Dick said. He didn't quite believe it. He knew Dick wasn't lying, but he could see the discomfort and fear in Dick's eyes. "I... I don't know what…"

"But," a new, hard voice interrupted, drawing Tim over to the doorway. There dressed in blood-stained operating scrubs was Bruce. His usually well-kept hair was a mess and the lines of his face were hard.

"That doesn't come without rules." Like Dick's gaze, Bruce's gaze was serious and hard. "Rule One: If he puts you in harm's way, accidentally or purposeful, hurting you in any way, I don't care whether physical or psychological, it ends then and there. Jason gets no second chances, no exceptions. No questions asked. Are we clear?"

"But what if…" Tim started to ask, but stopped short.

Bruce's eyes narrowed further. He was in Batman mode. Worse than that, he was being protective father. Swallowing, Tim fought his need to ask to mention exceptions. He knew that this opportunity, no matter how strained, was a rare and fragile thing.

Looking to Dick, he realized that it was probably in huge part thanks to Dick and Alfred that he had it at all. Despite his fear of upholding rule one in the list of who knew how many other rules, Tim felt overjoyed to just have the glimmer of hope at all. He didn't want to have to choose between his family and Jason. This was that opportunity.

Meeting Bruce's eyes again, he nodded slowly. "We're clear."

Bruce said nothing for a moment, just holding Tim's gaze. Tim could tell Bruce was searching for any doubt in Tim to uphold the deal from his end. Despite being good at lying to Batman, Tim wouldn't risk this opportunity on dishonesty.

After another two moments, Bruce gave a sigh. "Very well." He stepped to one side, gesturing out. "You may go up and see him."

Tim was on his feet and across the study in seconds. "He's… he's okay?" He could hear his voice jump an octave.

Bruce nodded. "Yes. We've… we've talked.' His gaze shifted briefly back toward Dick as he sighed. "He'll explain the rest of the arrangement." His gaze shifted as he guided Tim out the doorway. "He might be a bit groggy, so make it brief. Okay?"

Tim hesitated for a moment, looking toward the grand staircase. Then, his gaze flickered back to Bruce and Dick. A huge smile lit his face. "Thank you… for everything."

_To be continued..._


End file.
